Self-Survey Part I (or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the World)

Being unable to go to triv and finding it much too hot to do anything productive, I've decided to indulge an idea that's been floating around my mind for a few days now. In keeping with my introverted, narcissistic tendencies, I'm going for a bit of full-out self reflection (as opposed to the usual self-centered but more general musings that make their way onto this blog). To avoid thinking too hard in this heat, the self-assessment will come in bite-sized entries handling somewhat discrete topics. Enjoy(?)

Uno:
I'm a determined optimist. I've never been naturally inclined toward a good attitude; I'm not one of your kittens and rainbows people. Earlier in life I was an incredible skeptic. In the past few years I've been given to bouts of depression which come in the fall and leave (mostly) in the spring. It's not that my life suck(ed/s). Quite the opposite; when I look at things objectively I've been incredibly fortunate. A large part of my changed outlook is simply recognizing that fact. Still my default mood is probably somewhere on the melancholy side of content. I dunno if that's genetic, psychological, a matter of habit, or some combination of those, but that's where it seems to stay. That's why any sort of positive attitude I carry around is usually a product of a conscious effort. One might call it manufactured, and one would be correct, but there's an important distinction to be made between manufactured and faked. Like I said, my life doesn't offer that many excuses to be depressed, so I think my psychological state is often incorrect. I'm simply amending the problem through the use of a little willpower. I force myself to recognize that the situation doesn't sync with my mood and thereby change the mood. Not that this technique is always effective, but it often helps. Then in a better mood I'm more receptive to the good things going on around me, and I can become more naturally and spontaneously amped up. The same general method applies to improving my outlook on the future, though here I'm much more dependent on my friends. I try to reassure them of certain outcomes, and while I'm quite confident they can work out their issues, I never feel completely up to dealing with my own. Giving others positive reinforcement has the added benefit of bucking me up a bit in relation to my own life. It's so much easier to judge outside circumstances, but often I'll recognize that the same things I tell my friends are not a big deal are the very issues I worry most about. My -often unsolicited, probably obnoxious- advice to others helps me gain some perspective (sorry guys). This whole positive shift is a gradual process; I'm not sure the depression, anxiety or melancholy feelings will ever go away, but at least now I'm better equipped to handle them.